


Think But This and All Is Mended

by inqwex



Series: All Roads Lead To Rome [4]
Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 01:05:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18713365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inqwex/pseuds/inqwex
Summary: It's not okay, but it's all right.





	Think But This and All Is Mended

**Author's Note:**

> So I had originally planned to work in what I assumed would be Ripley's heart attack into Exposure. But 215 exploded my expectations - I knew there was a chance they'd kill him but I genuinely didn't think they'd go through with it given all the potential storylines of a Chief with an unranked firefighter (and I was falsely reassured by Brett's presence in the season photo of cast and crew). 
> 
> This is a fix it fic which picks up from the show's canon partway through 215. It makes absolutely zero sense why a youngish, fit, healthy man would not get put on a ventilator or dialysis.

Dr Pierce's eyes were kind as she said, "his organs are shutting down."

"What, wait, what do you mean?" Vic shook her head. She felt numb, unable to process this day, this awful, awful day. Vic would give anything to have Lucas alive and well, and standing her up over  _this_.

"He's been very clear. He's DNR, and DNI," Dr Pierce continued.

"But if there's fluid in his lungs, wouldn't intubation help? It's pulmonary oedema, right, positive pressure helps?" Vic interrupted, desperately. 

Dr Pierce sighed. "Intubation and positive pressure ventilation would help a little; it would stabilise his respiratory failure and we could theoretically support his heart and kidneys from there with medications and haemodialysis. But the hydrofluoric acid is still in his system - he's young and relatively healthy, the aortic stenosis aside - and we'd have to hope that his body could recover while we supported his organs, which is by no means a guarantee."

"Does he have a chance right now of surviving?" Vic demanded.

"No," Dr Pierce said after a brief pause.

"Does he have a chance if he's intubated?" Vic asked.

"A very small one," Dr Pierce said.

"Then why won't he do it? Can I talk to him?" she said desperately.

Dr Pierce's glance slid to Jennifer, who was crying.

"Well, he wants to talk to you anyway," Dr Pierce said. "But we've got a narrow window of opportunity; soon he'll be too unstable to intubate and - I must stress this, Vic - there's a chance he could die on induction now anyway. And _if_ \- again, I stress -  _if_ he survives, his quality of life will probably never be the same."

"I understand," Vic said stubbornly. "But if there's a chance in hell I _need_ him to take it."

"Okay," Dr Pierce sighed. "Let's go talk to him."

Jennifer reached out for her hand, and Vic let her take it. It was the hardest thing she had ever done, walking to his room. Dr Pierce opened the door, and Vic froze in the doorway as Jennifer dropped her hand, racing to her brother's side.

"Lukey," Jennifer sobbed into his chest, but Lucas' eyes were fixed on Vic.

She could only stare at him. He looked so fragile and sick, small in the bed in a way she'd never seen before; his 6'1 frame somehow dwarfed by the monitoring equipment and lines running into him.

"Dr Pierce said there's a chance if they intubate you that you could get better," Vic said numbly. 

His face twisted. "It's a tiny chance. I'd rather die awake, without a tube in my throat and unconscious after weeks of futile -"

"I'd rather you not die," Vic said, heading to the other side of the bed. She knelt down on the floor, taking his free hand, as Jennifer continued to cry quietly. "Hey, remember? You and me. We're fire-chasing, plane-jumping, crazy people. We always take the chance. Why not now?"

"I don't want you to remember me dependent on a ventilator," he said quietly.

"I don't want to have to remember you, I want you here," she took a deep breath. "Please, Lucas."

"I could die on induction," he said, starting to cry.

"You'll die if you don't. We have nothing to lose."

"We have time to lose," Lucas countered.

Vic took a deep breath. "I'd rather we say what we need to say now, and risk losing the last, what, one to two hours of your life, if we could get you better." She paused. "I don't say that lightly."

His blue eyes regarded her soberly. "Did Dr Pierce talk to you about the risks? I could die on induction, this whole thing might not work and I could die on a ventilator a few weeks in, my quality of life could be so bad I might never work again, I might need permanent care -"

"Lucky for you I'm an EMT," Vic said, tears starting to roll down her face. "I'll take care of you. I don't care if you can't work. I can't face the day without your smile, your laugh, your smell. You are - Lucas, you are the love of my life. Please. For me. Take this chance."

Jennifer sobbed loudly. 

"If I do this, Vic," he said, squeezing her hand weakly. "You need to promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise me that if Dr Pierce says it's done, I'm too far gone, I'll need high care, I'll be a vegetable;  _promise me_ you'll extubate me and let me go.  _Promise me_."

"I promise," Vic said through tears.

"Jennifer?"

"Promise," she croaked out, nodding.

"Okay," Lucas looked to Dr Pierce, and to Vic's surprise, she realised the other woman was crying quietly too. "Okay. I'll do it."

"We'll get everything together and we'll do it now," Dr Pierce said. "If we're going to take this chance, we need to do it now. It'll take a few minutes to get everything set up - you say what you need to say." She left the room, immediately calling for a nurse.

"I love you, Lucas," Jennifer pulled back from him. "You've been my bedrock my entire life. I - thank you for looking after me when I was a bratty ten year old, and thank you for looking after me when I was a bratty twenty year old -"

"You might be a brat but you're _my_ bratty sister," Lucas said fondly, stroking her hair. "I'm so proud of you, sis. So are Mom and Dad. I love you to the moon and back."

"I love you to the sun and back," Jennifer sobbed, as a small army of people entered the room, setting up equipment on a small trolley and drawing up a series of medications.

Lucas turned his head to Vic.

"I owe you an answer," he said. "It's yes, Victoria, of course it's yes."

"That's a very wise decision," Vic half-sobbed, half-laughed.

"I love you so much," he sobbed, his hand reaching up to her face. Vic leaned in and kissed him, their tears mingling on their cheeks, lips, and tongues.

"I love you," Vic said quietly, stroking his cheek.

"We're ready," Dr Pierce interrupted. "I wish I could give you more time, but the sooner we do this, the less likely you are to die when we try."

"You heard what I said, make them keep their promise," Lucas said to her. 

She nodded. "If you tolerate the tube, Chief, I'll have you on the least amount of sedation I can. I had one patient once who basically had no medication to keep the tube in."

Lucas' eyes lit up. "Please," he said. "Do that."

"If I can," Dr Pierce promised. "Okay. Vic and Jennifer, we need you to leave the room for this."

"Okay," Jennifer said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Love you, bro."

"Love you, sis," Lucas replied, before turning back to Vic.

"I'll see you on the other side, hubby."

He smiled weakly. "See you, Eggy." Vic stole a last, quick kiss before standing and walking back towards the door.

"I'll come get you from the waiting room," Dr Pierce assured them, before shutting the door.

Vic looked at Jennifer, who was crying uncontrollably, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Jennifer reciprocated with an arm around her waist, and the two of them walked slowly back to the waiting room.

As soon as they entered, Jennifer wrapped her into a hug.

"Thank you," she sobbed, "thank you, thank you."

Vic shrugged at the quizzical expressions being levelled at them by her team.

Jennifer pulled back slightly.

"Our mom, she was in a car accident. Lucas had just started college, and I was ten. She had lots of injuries. One of them was a brain bleed, and they put her on a ventilator. She was on the ventilator for nearly three months, essentially a vegetable, but Dad couldn't let her go. He basically didn't leave the hospital, and Lucas would pick me up from school and cook me dinner and we'd go in every day to visit and say hi. She died, I can't even remember exactly of what because there were so many complications, but she died on the ventilator." Jennifer took a deep breath. "Dad picked me up from school the day she died. We went to the park. He bought me ice cream. Then we came home, and I did homework, and then I went to play in my room. Lucas came home from a shift at work - he was a volunteer firefighter then, while he was studying - and he found Dad dead in the garage. I didn't find out until I was twenty that Dad had hung himself, and Lucas cut him down, and resuscitated him. Lucas got a neighbour to come and look after me, and he went to hospital with Dad. Dad was on the ventilator for five days before Lucas said to stop, we couldn't do this anymore."

"I didn't know," Vic said in horror, the magnitude of what she'd just asked of Lucas slowly dawning on her. "I - he talks about you. All the time. He never talks about his parents. Your parents."

"I couldn't have asked him to do it," Jennifer said. "Thank you for asking him. Thank you. I'd ... I'm not brave, like him or you, but it's not Lucas to not take the chance and I'd rather have my brother than sit watching him die for another hour or two. If he dies now, I'm still glad you gave him the chance."

Vic let out a sob. "I won't leave him on the ventilator," she promised. Jennifer nodded, finally letting go of Vic.

"I'm sorry about before," she said quietly.

"It's okay," Vic said, nodding. "I understand."

"You're my favourite sister-in-law," Jennifer said with a weak smile. 

"I'd hope so, my competition's pretty rubbish," Vic joked weakly.

"What's happening?" Sullivan asked, sounding worried.

The two women glanced at each other, and sighed.

"Dr Pierce said that he's in multi-organ failure," Vic said, looking more to Warren. "He'd told her he didn't want to be - anyway, there's a small chance that if he's intubated, that they could support him long enough -"

"For his body to recover," Warren nodded enthusiastically. 

"It's a long shot," Jennifer said. "And Lucas..."

"Didn't want to be intubated," Vic said, guilt rising in her. 

"You did the right thing," Sullivan said, looking at her. "He deserves the chance, and he can be too damn stubborn for his own good."

"I can't think of anyone else who's like that," Jennifer said pointedly.

"Do I have time to -" Sullivan began, and Vic felt suddenly heavy. She dropped into a chair, shaking her head as she rested it in her hands.

"They're intubating him now," she said into her palms. "He might...he might..."

"He might die on induction," Warren said more than asked. Vic nodded, and she felt Travis' arm encircle her shoulders as he sat on the arm of the chair.

"It won't be your fault if he does," Travis said quietly. 

"I didn't even check if anyone else needed to -"

"No," Jennifer cut in. "You and me needed to, and everyone else can just hope with us that he ..."

Vic glanced up to see her glare at Sullivan.

"He's his BFF," Andy said defensively.

"That's not a term we use," Sullivan said heavily. "And I gave up any right to - I gave up any right to be someone there in the room fifteen years ago."

Vic didn't have the energy, she simply dropped her head back into her hands.

* * *

 It felt like hours. Vic wasn't exactly sure how long it had been, but she knew she'd aged several decades in that time as Dr Pierce entered the room.

"He's alive," she said simply, and Vic took a breath, glancing automatically over at Jennifer who simply gave her a big smile through tears. "We've put in a central line and started dialysis. His heart is needing lots of support at the moment so I've kept him paralysed and sedated for now. But you can come sit with him if you want."

"You should go," Vic said, looking at Sullivan.

"You go with him, Vic," Jennifer said. "I can't - on a ventilator, I can't." She choked back a sob, and looked to Dr Pierce. "He'll be like this for a while?"

Dr Pierce nodded. "At least for today, we'll just keep everything nice and steady. If I can reduce his sedation tomorrow for him I will."

Jennifer nodded. "Okay. Okay. I guess I'll go, find a hotel -"

"Don't be silly," Vic said. "Stay at Lucas'. You could stay at mine but it's a one bedroom apartment and Lucas' is closer."

"I don't have keys -"

Vic looked at Travis. "Could you take her to the station and give her my keys and car? My locker code is 7748." She paused, looking to Dr Pierce. "I can stay, right?"

"I'll kick you out at midnight," Dr Pierce said kindly. "And you can come back at 0700. You need to look after yourself. I get the feeling Chief Ripley will be furious with me if I don't make sure you sleep and eat."

"Okay," Vic looked at Sullivan. "I can't go back -"

"Of course not," he interrupted.

"Can I say it's sick leave?"

"You can say it's family leave," Jennifer interrupted firmly. "You're his fiancee."

"I'll run through your family leave, and then I'll run through your sick leave, and hopefully he's better by then."

"I've got vacation -" Vic choked. "Vacation days. Use them too."

Sullivan nodded.

"I'll bring you a change of clothes," Travis said. "And a phone charger. 7748?"

"7748," Vic confirmed.

"Thanks, Vic," Jennifer walked over, kneeling in front of her. "You'll call if anything -"

"Of course," Vic said. "Hang on, I don't think I have your number, Lucas -" The two women pulled out their phones and exchanged numbers.

"Take mine too, Jen," Sullivan said.

"Thanks, Robert," Jennifer put it into her phone.

"And take Travis'," Vic said. "He's my best friend."

"And if anything happens overnight, I'll call," Dr Pierce promised.

"Okay," Jennifer looked slightly overwhelmed, as she stood. Vic stood with her, and the two embraced again. "Come to Lucas', please. You'll need your car back anyway."

Vic nodded. "The screen door is the smallest brass key, and the main door is the middle silver one. His house alarm's probably not set, but if it is, his code is -"

"3501," Jennifer said with her. "The day Mom died." She sighed. "Okay."

"I'll call." They hugged again.

"I'll be back," Travis promised. "Anything else you need?"

Vic shook her head, biting back Lucas' name. Travis smiled, and Vic realised he'd been crying too. "Come here," he said, and enfolded her into a warm, firm hug. 

"Thanks, Trav," Vic said. "Love you."

"I love you too," he said, wiping away tears. 

The two left the room, and Vic looked at Sullivan. "You can go alone if you want,"  she offered. Sullivan gave her a lopsided smile and shook his head. 

"You need to be with him," he said, kinder than she'd ever heard him.

"I need a minute," Vic said, and was pleased to have guessed right when he smiled gratefully. Dr Pierce led him out the door, and Vic collapsed back down into her chair.

"Here," Jack said, pushing a cup of water into her hand. "Drink up."

"Thanks, Gibson," Vic said with a sigh.

"Hey," Warren said, gripping her shoulder tightly. "Congratulations. You're engaged."

Vic gave him a watery smile. "Thanks."

There was a moment of silence.

"How long have you been -?" Andy swallowed the rest of her question as Vic met her gaze steadily.

"I can't do this right now, Andy," Vic said. "The questions. Gibson can fill you in. And tell Dean and Maya when they get here too. If our secret's not blown now, it will be, because I'm not leaving this hospital unless I have to."

Gibson grimaced sympathetically at her, resting a hand on her knee. "Okay. But we'll keep it within our crew. It's a moot point right now, and nobody else needs to know."

Vic could only nod, taking a sip of water as Gibson outlined the bare details of their relationship. Part of her itched to jump in, to add the details of what they'd done together and how he was the best person ever -

but it wouldn't change the bare facts. She was engaged to their boss, after dating him for eight months. It looked bad, and she knew none of them would understand.

* * *

Sullivan returned, the door opening the only sound in the room. Vic felt numb, her tears seemed to have evaporated.

 _He's alive_ , her mind kept repeating doggedly.  _He's alive_.

It was the only thing keeping her together. 

"Hughes," Sullivan said. "I'm good now. I'm going to try to get some of these firefighters here to clear out - Dr Pierce seems to think this will take time to know how ...whether ... where..." he faltered. "It will take time, so they all need to get back to work including us. I'll give Montgomery the afternoon off too, he can help get you whatever you need."

Vic nodded.

"His  _fiancee_?!" a loud male voice boomed, and the door clicked open again. A harassed looking Dr Pierce entered, trailed by Battalion Chief Frankel and a tall Hispanic man in dress blues.

"I knew it, I  _told you_ he was seeing someone," Frankel said with grim satisfaction.

"At any rate, all updates need to go through the family; his sister or his fiancee," Dr Pierce said firmly.

"Captain Sullivan," Frankel looked surprised. "What are you and your team doing here?"

"He's my friend," Sullivan said. Dr Pierce glanced quickly over at Vic, clearly unsure what to do.

"Where's Jennifer?" asked Frankel. "And for that matter, his fiancee? Are they in with him? Could you get them?"

"Jennifer went to Ripley's place," Sullivan said after an awkward pause. 

Frankel narrowed her eyes at Sullivan.

"We just need to sort out B15," Diaz rumbled. "If this is a minor thing, then we'll leave it here for Ripley when he gets out. If he's gonna be out of action for a while, we'll need to take the keys and the car, and work out rosters and who's -"

"I'm his fiancee," Vic said wearily from her chair. Sullivan shot her a panicked look, and she shrugged back at him. "It's ... look, right now, he's probably still going to die so who cares who knows. I'm too tired to pretend."

At that, both Frankel and Diaz took a sharp intake of breath.

"He's dying?" Vic was surprised at how genuinely upset Frankel seemed.

"She said probably," said the other man, hopefully.

"It's hydrofluoric acid and multiorgan failure. He's on a ventilator and on dialysis and Dr Pierce is hoping over the next week or two he improves," Vic said flatly.

"Fuck," Frankel swore, and the other man put a steadying hand on her shoulder, looking pale himself.

"I don't know who you are," he said. "But my name is Mateo Diaz. I'm the Assistant Chief of Operations of the SFD."

"I'm Vic Hughes, Station 19," she replied. Diaz looked her up and down and sighed.

"What the fuck have you done, Rip?" Frankel muttered, shaking her head. "Well, this isn't the time, Matt, to deal with this."

"I agree," Diaz replied solemnly. "Right now, the priority is the Chief's welfare. We'll need a meeting of everyone. Update them on where he's at." He shot a glance at Hughes. "We'll keep the girl out of it for now."

"Hughes," Gibson spat at the older man. "Her name is Hughes, or Vic."

"Leave it, Gibson," Vic sighed.

"No," Jack said. "You're his fiancee. You have rights here. And I bet the Chief wouldn't want anyone to refer to you as 'the girl'."

"Damn right he wouldn't," Sullivan snorted. 

"I apologise," Diaz said stiffly. "I didn't mean to offend."

"Let's leave all that bullshit aside for now, at least until we know whether he'll-" Frankel visibly choked, and she took a deep breath. "We'll need to take B15 if it'll be a while."

"I don't know where the keys are," Sullivan said.

"In his bag of belongings," Dr Pierce replied. "In his room."

"We need them," Frankel said.

"I'll get them," Vic said. "But I - he keeps his personal keys in the glove box. I'll need _them_."

Frankel nodded, before saying, "the Department needs to know about his condition, Hughes."

Vic glanced at Dr Pierce, who said, "it's up to you and Jennifer."

"I'll speak to Jennifer," Vic said. "But I think what we'd be comfortable with is Captain Sullivan giving a brief daily update until Lucas wakes up because as soon as he does he'll be asking for his laptop and phone to -" 

Maybe she wasn't cried out after all, Vic thought, blinking back tears. "I'll go get his keys," she said gruffly.

"Can I come?" Frankel asked abruptly. "I - he's - we've been friends for over a decade. I'd like to see him."

"Me too," Diaz said, and Vic noticed both of them were trying to blink back tears as well.

"Sure," Vic sighed, getting up slowly and making the increasingly-familiar walk to his room, not bothering to see if the two Chiefs were following.

"Here," Dr Pierce held out a plastic bag to Vic, and she couldn't help but cry as she opened it. It held just his shirt and jeans and shoes. Tucked into one of his shoes were his keys, and Vic pulled them out. 

"His wallet's not here," Vic frowned. "He would've kept that on him."

"Dr Schmitt, one of our interns, was the one who found him," Dr Pierce replied gently. "He was in the same shop as him, and said that Chief Ripley forgot his wallet?"

"I'll text Jennifer and ask her to check his house," Vic said, standing back up, handing the plastic bag to Dr Pierce. She turned, and properly looked at Lucas for the first time.

If he'd looked unlike himself earlier, now he was almost unrecognisable. A large tube protruded from his neck, running blood out to what was presumably the dialysis machine. His ventilator beeped steadily, and as she looked at him, she felt a pang of guilt for asking him to agree to be intubated.

"Stay strong, boss," Diaz was choked as he patted Lucas' hand.

"If you die, I'll fucking kill you," Frankel vowed from the end of the bed. "All right, Diaz, let's go. I can't bear hospitals."

Vic stepped towards the bed, unsure where to touch him. She settled for taking the hand Diaz had just patted. "I'll be back, Lucas," she promised. "I'm just going to get your keys from the car. Okay?" She paused. "I'll see you soon."

It only took a few minutes for the three of them to get down to his work car. Vic unlocked it, and then opened the glovebox. She pulled out his keys and pocketed them, checking to make sure his wallet wasn't there (it wasn't). She quickly checked the car, and grabbed his best sweater from the backseat where he'd clearly thrown it.

"Okay," Vic said. 

"Got your phone?" Frankel asked gruffly. "My number's..." she rattled it off. "Please. I'd like to know if...when he wakes up."

Vic nodded.

"I'll pray for him," Diaz added tightly. "We'll leave whatever needs to happen about you two till he's at least awake."

"Till he's well," Frankel objected.

"We might not have that pull," Diaz said. "We'll see."

"Okay," Vic said, nonplussed. "That's - to be honest, right now, that's the lowest of my priorities."

They nodded, and Vic turned without any further ceremony, shrugging his sweater on and taking a deep breath as she walked straight back to his room. Someone had left a chair there, already stationed next to the bed.

"Well," Vic said, taking his hand. "You didn't die. That's good. Jennifer explained about your parents, and I promise I won't keep you on the ventilator. Frankel and Diaz came by, so our cover is totally blown, sorry but I couldn't pretend I didn't care about you. Jennifer's gone to your house, I gave her your keys. She loves you, but she can't see you like this, so I'll stay with you."

* * *

**Day One**

Hours blended into one. Vic was sure she'd left a permanent imprint on the chair in his room, as she sat there and held his hand, staring at the various machines. She liked watching the dialysis machine, she decided at some point on that first day. It whirred in a reassuring way, and watching his blood cycle and spin around like a washing machine was oddly soothing. 

The beep of the heart rate monitor was also soothing. It blended into the background, but gave her a constant reassurance that he was alive.

Travis came in at some point, handing her her bag and her civilian clothes. She reluctantly left the room, changing in record speed and pulling his sweater back on before heading back in and reclaiming her chair. [She ignored all the weird looks from the firefighters still scattered through the hallways].

As promised, a nurse came in at midnight and forced her to leave, Travis loitering in the hallway behind her. Vic kissed his cheek, and promised to be back first thing.

Travis drove her to her apartment. She cried as she used Lucas' keys to unlock the door, packing some clothes into a small bag. On a whim she grabbed his green sweater, her favourite because it was so soft, and swapped it for the blue one. She picked his station 88 crew shirt up from the side of the hamper and - without thinking about it - put that into her bag.

[He'd slept in it so it would smell extra like him].

Travis drove her to Lucas'. The house was terrifyingly spotless, and when she walked into the kitchen Jennifer was still awake, and had heated up something that she'd cooked earlier. Vic ate mechanically, the food like ash in her mouth while Jennifer, wearing gloves, deep cleaned the oven. When she was done eating, Jennifer retreated to the spare room.

Vic went to his bed, rolling herself in the blankets that smelled like him and lay awake listening to his sister cry next door. She must have drifted off at some point, because she woke to her alarm. She showered quickly, left Jennifer an untidy note that she'd left, and headed back in.

* * *

**Day Two**

She hadn't minded the ventilator on the first day, but she learned to hate it on the second day. Dr Pierce explained that his lungs weren't ready yet. He still needed to be paralysed. All through the day, whenever the paralysis started to wear off, the ventilator would start to emit loud, polyphonic alarms that always scared the shit out of Vic. 

She texted Jennifer to let her know, and his sister simply replied,  _okay. I'll stay here_. _Update me?_

"He tries to breath on his own, and he's not strong enough yet," Dr Pierce said on one of these occasions.

Sullivan and Travis dropped in at lunchtime, both in their civilian clothes, just after Vic texted Jennifer the same thing that she'd done every two hours; _no change_. [Jennifer responded the same way each time;  _thank you. <3_

"I'll sit with him," Sullivan said. "You go and eat."

"I'm not hungry," Vic didn't bother to look away from the monitor she was watching this hour which was the blood pressure monitor. He had a special drip monitoring his blood pressure now, and it was fun to see how with each beat of his heart, his blood pressure could vary so much.

"It's non-negotiable," Travis said firmly. "We're just going to the hospital cafeteria. You're going to eat at least one thing, and drink either a coffee or a bottle of water, then you're going to go to the toilet, then you get to come back."

"Travis put on his bossy voice," Vic told Lucas with a sigh. "I think I'd better go." She looked at Sullivan. "The ventilator will probably go crazy again in about ten minutes. The paralysis will be wearing off around then. Don't worry, they'll just paralyse him again." Vic kissed Lucas' palm, before carefully placing his hand back onto the bed. "I'll be back soon."

She drifted behind her friend reluctantly to the cafeteria, and forced down a stale bagel (which made her cry) and the strongest coffee she could order. 

"Did you even eat breakfast this morning?" Travis asked as they made their way back to Lucas' room no more than ten minutes after leaving it. Vic shook her head.

"How about tomorrow before seven we go to that diner -" Travis began.

"No!" Vic said vehemently. "I can't go there without him."

"Can I bring you something back then?" Travis cajoled as Vic stepped back into his room. [The ventilator alarms were going off, and the nurse was giving him another dose of paralysing medication]. "Something you want."

"The eggy thing," Vic said, in tears again. "Tell Cameron, actually. Ask him for the eggy thing and tell him what's happened."

"Who's Cameron?" Travis asked in confusion.

"The manager at the diner," Vic replied. 

"He'll know what the eggy thing is?" 

Vic nodded.

"Okay," Travis said. "I'll meet you at his place with the eggy thing tomorrow, and I'll get something for Jennifer too. What's the address of this diner?" Vic told him.

"Bye, buddy," Sullivan said, standing up from her chair, and giving her a pat on the shoulder. "I'll be back tomorrow. Same time."

At seven pm, it was Frankel and Jennifer who arrived. Jennifer stayed outside the room, refusing to see Lucas.

"Get up," Frankel said briskly, tapping Vic's shoulder. "You and his sister are going across the road for dinner at Subway. Then you can come back. I'll stay."

Vic and Jennifer ate in a comfortable silence, before Vic headed back and kicked Frankel out of her fiance's room.

* * *

**Day Three**

Travis rang the doorbell at 0600, and Vic answered it.

"So this Cameron guy started crying," Travis said, as Vic led him into the kitchen. Jennifer hadn't slept, and was sitting at the coffee table looking like death warmed up. "Like,  _crying_. And he refused to accept payment. And he said that as long as Lucas is in hospital, I'm to go there and get you breakfast, he'll have it ready by 0600 so you can get to the hospital at 0700."

He opened the bag of takeaway. Inside was a carton marked in sharpie,  _Eggy_ _Thing_   _for Vic_ , _we send our love_. There was a carton marked,  _Breakfast Bagel for Jennifer, we're praying for him_. And a carton marked,  _Travis, thank you_. Three coffees, all with huge love hearts drawn on the side.

Vic started to laugh and cry at the same time. "This is too much."

"I didn't order anything to eat for me," Travis said nonplussed. "I was going to go for a cycle after this _then_ get breakfast."

"Sit," Jennifer said, voice hoarse. "Eat. This is from that diner you guys took me to?"

Vic nodded. She practically inhaled the eggy thing, and it tasted so good.

"Tomorrow, Travis," Vic said, grabbing Lucas' wallet and taking out the fifty dollar bill in his 'secret' compartment. "Put this in the tip bowel. The bagel's 15 dollars, the eggy thing is 14 dollars, I'm pretty sure your thing is another 14 dollars, plus the coffees."

"Well, that's the first thing you two have properly eaten for days, so I'll do that," Travis said firmly.

Vic glanced at the clock. "Okay, I'm going in." Jennifer squeezed her hand before letting go. Vic drove to the hospital on autopilot, parking in the same spot as the day before. She made her way up to his room.

"Travis decided to go to the diner this morning to buy us breakfast," she told Lucas, holding his hand against her cheek. "Cameron apparently started crying. And then gave him a bag of food that he refused to let Travis pay for, and coffees. They're praying for you and sending their love. I gave Travis the fifty from your wallet to put in the tip jar tomorrow. Cameron's decided his mission in life is to feed us, so food will be ready for us each morning. I'm glad Jennifer likes the breakfast bagel there, but she might want to rotate to something different. I could actually taste the eggy thing, though, and I think Cam made it bigger than normal."

The door creaked open, and Dr Pierce stepped inside. "You did go home, right, Vic?" she checked kindly. Vic nodded.

"I was just telling Lucas our favourite diner shouted us breakfast this morning," she replied. Vic dialled Jennifer's number.

"Everything's okay, I thought I'd put you on speaker so you can hear exactly what Dr Pierce says as well," Vic said quickly. "How is he, Dr Pierce?"

"Maggie, please," the other woman said. "He's actually done well overnight, ventilating much better. I'm going to see if we can stop paralysing him today but I'll keep him heavily sedated again today."

"Do you think you'll wake him up tomorrow?" Jennifer asked through Vic's tiny speakers.

"I'm hoping to," Maggie said. "I'd rather take this slow and steady than rush it. He's still critically unwell. His calcium levels this morning have stopped falling though, so I think we're starting to catch up."

"Good, that's good," Vic said. 

"Any other questions?" Maggie asked. 

"No," Jennifer replied, as Vic shook her head. Maggie nodded, and left.

"Thanks, Vic, that was great," Jennifer said.

"I should have thought of that yesterday," Vic admitted. "Um, you can say hello to Lucas. I don't know if he can hear, but I've been talking to him anyway."

"Oh, um, hi Lucas," Jennifer said uncertainly. "I'm glad you're breathing better. I'm sorry, I can't see you like that, I know you'd understand. But I love you. And Vic's keeping me updated. She's great, I think you've picked a winner this time. Um. I didn't sleep last night, so I might sleep now. I love you. Get better. Um, okay Vic? Can you please still text me, but I might not reply. Call if anything changes."

"Sleep well, Jennifer," Vic said. "I'll text, and call if I need to."

She settled in, deciding to watch the ventilator for the first hour. It didn't alarm, and it seemed less sinister for it. At lunchtime, Sullivan again dropped by, this time with Andy. 

"Lunch," Sullivan patted her shoulder, and Vic didn't bother to argue, standing up. "Herrera knows not to ask any questions."

Lunch was silent, and Vic was grateful for Andy clearly biting back the questions she had. In the afternoon, Vic went back to watching the dialysis machine, her ruminations interrupted by the door opening again. She realised with a start that it was dark outside.

"Dinnertime, Hughes," Diaz said, not unkindly, before taking her seat. Gibson was waiting outside, and they walked across the road to the Subway again.

"It's cold," Vic realised, hugging Lucas' sweater tighter. Gibson's eyes were red, and he took her hand as they waited in line.

* * *

**Day Four**

Travis was in his uniform on day four when she opened the door. 

"I tipped, and then he refused payment today," he reported, walking into the kitchen. Jennifer had slept for a good portion of the previous day, and she and Vic had then stayed up till around 0200 watching _Miss Congeniality_ on Netflix. (They both hated the movie, but it had nothing to do with Lucas).

This time, in addition to their breakfasts, the bag contained a huge get well card, signed by all the staff at the diner. There was also a carton marked,  _Snacks for Vic_. Travis looked at it and shook his head. "They just added that."

Inside were a few little pastry things that Vic often ordered as her dessert, and she could feel the tears welling up again.

When she entered Lucas' room (having parked in the same spot again) she clutched her snacks carton and moved to place his card on the stand, freezing. She hadn't noticed, but the bedstand had exploded in get well cards.

"When -" she asked the nurse blankly.

"They've been coming in for days, honey," said Kerry sympathetically. "All left at the front desk. On night shift we decided to put them out for him."

"Thanks," Vic said, placing Cam's card at the front. She hesitated.

"Most of them mention you, as well," Kerry added. "Not by name, I understand things are complicated?"

"He's my boss' boss' boss and until this happened only four other people knew about this. That knew the rank problem, I mean," Vic said.

The conversation was interrupted by Maggie's entrance, and Vic immediately dialled Jennifer, putting her on speaker.

"He hasn't got worse," Maggie said. "But he hasn't improved from yesterday. I tried to lighten the sedation a little this morning, because I wanted to test it before we got Jennifer in; I understand from Captain Sullivan that there's a lot of emotion around ventilators for your family, Jennifer, and it can be quite upsetting to watch someone be weaned off. He didn't react well to the sedation being lightened, I'm afraid, so I might try to lighten it this afternoon again at about 2pm." 

"Do you think the same thing will happen?" Jennifer asked anxiously.

"It's possible, I'm hoping not."

"I was coming up at 1pm for lunch anyway," Jennifer decided. "Vic and I can have lunch, then can she be there when you try to lighten the sedation? I might wait in the family room."

"Sure," Maggie said. "That will work."

"The dialysis machine is off," Vic realised, looking around the room frantically for its reassuring whirr.

"His blood clotted in the machine last night," Maggie explained. "That's normal after a few days. His kidneys are doing better, so I'm going to recheck them again at around midday. If they stay good, I'll keep him off the machine."

"Okay," Vic and Jennifer said together.

"Any questions?" there were none, so Maggie left the room.

"You've got a lot of cards now, Lucas," Vic said, looking at his bedside table. "For a guy who thought he had no friends...Shall I read the diner's to you?"

She spent the morning reading his cards to him. There was one from every station, one from most of the battalion chiefs, and from a few people she didn't know. Most of them were pretty simple,  _to the Chief, get better, all our prayers, station 23_. Some of them were more thought out,  _To our 88'er Chief, from his old station, we're all praying and rooting for you boss. Thinking of your fiancee and sister too, may God grant them strength_.

Frankel's was unexpectedly sweet,  _Rip, you were my friend when no-one else wanted to know The Girl in the unit. You've done so much for women in this department, thank you. Get better or I'll kick your ass to hell. Love Deb. PS. When you wake up, we're gonna have a chat about (1) why the fuck you're touching a woman in my battalion and (2) why the fuck you didn't tell me you'd found number three and (3) how the fuck I'm gonna get the two of you out of this mess._

Vic hadn't even seen Travis leave one, but it was there.  _Chief, you let me cry on your shoulder when you told me Michael had died. I would do anything to make sure Vic doesn't have to need my shoulder for you. She's so happy about you. Get better, I need to be Man of Honour at a wedding soon. Travis_

Sullivan's was short, and somewhat confusing.  _Rip - sorry I was angry. Please forgive me. I have forgiven you. Love Sully_

"I'll organise them by station number over at the far side," she decided out loud. "And then I'll put all the ones from individuals here, in alphabetical order. I haven't got you a card. But I hope you know I want you to get better too."

At lunchtime, there was a knock on the door, and Vic twisted to see a middle-aged lady in a pastel pink blouse and big glasses.

"Hi, I'm Kim," the woman said. "I'm Chief Ripley's PA. It's nice to meet you." She hesitated. "Chief Ripley is a private kind of boss, but whenever he said that I couldn't schedule something because he had a date he did so with the biggest smile on his face."

"I'm Vic," she offered, shaking the other woman's hand. "I guess you're my meal relief?" Kim nodded.

"Jennifer's outside."

Vic got back from a hurried lunch with Jennifer, unspoken hope and excitement sparking between them. Maggie arrived just before 2pm, and went to the drip stand.

"Sometimes this can be scary," she warned. "They can cough. The monitors might start beeping."

Vic nodded, swallowed, and tightened her grip on his hand. "I'm ready."

"It will take a while for the medication to re-equilibrate - I'm only turning it down, not turning it off," Maggie said. "I'm going to hang around for a bit."

Vic marked the time on the clock, and was glad she did, because the next twenty minutes felt like hours. She stared at his face, and saw that his eyelids began to flutter.

"Lucas?" she asked, and they fluttered open, bright blue eyes unfocussed. She felt his arm move, and immediately lunged to hold onto his other hand as he tried to bring them up to the tube in his mouth.

Kerry immediately hit the call button, and scurried to the other side of the bed, taking Lucas' other hand.

"Lucas, baby, it's okay," Vic said quickly, standing and leaning in so he could see her. "I'm right here, you're okay, I'm right here." He visibly relaxed on seeing her, then frowned. "You're really sick, you're in hospital. You're on a ventilator, I asked you to, and you're getting better. You need to leave the tube in. Squeeze my hand if you understand."

"Everything okay?" Maggie asked, bursting into the room as Lucas squeezed Vic's hand weakly.

"He went for the tube," Kerry reported, "but I think Vic's talked him down. Might be wise to put a soft restraint on this arm, so if he forgets -"

"Is that okay, Vic?" Maggie checked. "Often people are very confused, and he might not remember what you've said. While you're holding his hand, we don't have to restrain it, but we might just put a soft tie around his other wrist so he can't reach the tube."

Vic nodded. "Jennifer," she said. "Jen's in the waiting room."

"I'll go get her," Maggie said. "And Kerry, I'll send someone in with soft restraints. But Jen might like to hold his other hand, so you might not need them till later."

A few minutes later, Jennifer burst into the room. She froze in the doorway, and Vic turned. 

"It's okay, he's awake. He squeezed my hand," Vic assured her. "Come, take this hand. I'll go round the other side." Jennifer slowly approached the bed, eyes studiously averted from her brother's face. She took Lucas' hand.

"Lucas?" she asked hesitantly, staring down at his hand. "It's Jennifer. Um, squeeze my hand if you can hear me?"

She looked up across the bed in delight, meeting Vic's eyes, and looking properly alive for the first time in days.

"His eyes are open," Vic said. "Move in so he can see you. It's okay."

Jennifer took a deep breath, and looked at her brother's face, eyes obviously trailing along the ventilator tubing with apprehension. Her expression firmed into a familiar one that Vic had seen on her brother countless times, and she leaned forward.

"Hey brother," she said. "I'm glad to see you. I love you."

Vic watched his head nod minutely, before his eyes fluttered closed again.

The two women grinned across his body at each other. They sat, making idle conversation for the first time in days until there was a knock on the door. It opened, and Frankel entered followed by another person in dress blues Vic didn't know.

"Vic, Jennifer, this is Al Reynolds," Frankel introduced. "Station 19's out on calls, so we were the backup meal relief. Al will sit with Rip and I'll take you two for dinner."

"He's awake, sort of," Vic reported, unable to hide her relief. "He opens his eyes occasionally."

"And can squeeze your hand," Jennifer added.

"But he keeps forgetting where he is and reaches for the tube," Vic reported. "So hold his hand properly."

"Sure," said Reynolds. "It's nice to meet you, Vic. Good to see you again, Jen."

Louisa, the nurse that had replaced Kerry, stepped forward. "I might restrain this arm, Vic, if Mr Reynolds takes the other hand."

Vic nodded, standing from the chair, and leaning forward. "Frankel's kicking me and Jen out for dinner," she said to Lucas, and his eyes opened. "We'll be back soon. I love you." He squeezed her hand weakly, and Vic kissed his nose, before drawing back and relinquishing his hand reluctantly to Lousia.

"Love you bro, don't go anywhere," Jennifer warned, getting up and kissing his cheek.

Dinner with Frankel should've been awkward, but wasn't. Instead, she and Jennifer exchanged relieved stories about a younger Lucas, and Vic listened in delight.

* * *

**Day Five**

Travis looked exhausted when he dropped by with breakfast, ten minutes later than usual.

"Long night," he said. "I hear he's doing better?"

"He was half-awake," Jennifer said excitedly. "Dr Pierce said that she thinks he might be awake today!"

Travis beamed, exhaustion falling away momentarily. "So he's going to be okay?"

"Hopefully," Vic forced herself to be guarded. Travis smiled at her, opening the takeaway bag.

Today, there was an extra carton, marked  _Snacks for Jennifer_ in addition to  _Snacks for Vic_. 

"It's a game now," Travis reported. "Couldn't pay again, so tipped for yesterday. And before you ask, I mentioned that I heard Jennifer went in yesterday afternoon because he was waking up. They got me to wait an extra few minutes to make up an extra snack carton."

"I haven't thanked you, Travis," Vic said suddenly, leaning over the eggy thing (which hadn't lost its appeal) to hug him tightly.

"It's nothing," he said earnestly. "I'm just...I'm so glad he's getting better. I wouldn't wish losing a husband on anyone."

Jennifer's gaze darted to his ring finger in clear question. "Michael was a firefighter too," Travis explained somberly. "It was actually Ripley who told me he died. He held me when I cried."

"I'm so sorry," Jennifer said, reaching out and taking Travis' hand. He smiled weakly at her.

They parked in Vic's usual place, and walked up to his room, almost giddy with excitement.

They weren't disappointed. Lucas was sitting upright in bed, still on the ventilator and now back on the dialysis machine, but his eyes were open and focused, and the corners of his mouth tilted up when he saw them.

"Lucas?" Jennifer said. He nodded minutely. She raced forward, while Vic remained, frozen in the doorway, eyes locked to his.

"He's still a little disoriented at times," Maggie said gently from the corner of the room. "And as you can see, I've just restarted the dialysis. But he's doing well, off almost all the sedation."

Vic moved from the doorway and hugged her tightly. "Thank you thank you thank you," she breathed.

"You're more than welcome," Maggie said, smiling as Vic drew back.

Vic and Jennifer chatted nonsense all morning, delight and relief fizzing around them. At some point, Nurse Yvette produced a clipboard and a pen. Lucas took the pen shakily, and slowly formed words.

 _Love you,_ he wrote, showing it to Jennifer who beamed at her brother. He took the clipboard back, and took another few minutes to slowly write,  _how about Switzerland?_ He turned the clipboard towards Vic, tapping his pen next to the  _love you_.

"No way," Vic said, tears running down her face. "Spain. Honestly, you want me in a snowsuit when I could be in a bikini?"

He slowly started to write again, angling the board away from her. Jennifer smiled indulgently at him as she read over his shoulder, reaching over to ruffle his hair as he turned to the board towards Vic.

_Lucky me either way wifey._

Sullivan relieved them for lunch again, and when Vic and Jennifer came back, it was evident both men had been crying. Lucas took the piece of paper off his clipboard, folded it, and thrust it to Sullivan who clasped it to his chest. Her captain leaned forward and kissed Lucas on the forehead.

"You might as well tell Hughes. See you later," he said gruffly, exiting without a glance at the other two. 

Lucas looked at Jennifer, pointing at her then at Vic.

"You want me to tell her?" she checked. He nodded. And that's how Vic learned about Claire Sullivan.

* * *

 

**Day Six**

Day six started early. At 0300 to be precise.

Jennifer woke Vic up, climbing into Lucas' bed with the phone already on speaker.

"I'm the first contact person because technically you're not his spouse yet," she said, apologetically.

"What's wrong?" Vic didn't care.

Maggie sounded tired. "He's got a pneumonia. I've re-sedated him and started him on strong antibiotics. His breathing's worse. But his heart seems to be managing, so we'll see." She paused. "This was a very likely complication."

"Should we come in?" asked Jennifer.

"He's not dying," Maggie said, hesitating before adding, "right now. He is worse than he was yesterday, and probably the day before as well."

"I'm going," Vic threw the blankets off. 

"I can't do it," Jennifer said tearfully.

"It's okay, we'll call you if you need to," Maggie promised. "But I said I'd call you if he changed and he has."

"Thank you," Vic said shortly, reaching into her bag. 

All she had left was his crew shirt. The thought of washing anything hadn't occurred to her.

She put it on. She needed it now.

"Thank you for being brave for me," Jennifer looked very small in her pyjamas on his bed. "I just, Vic I can't - yesterday was hard enough -"

"It's okay," Vic interrupted. "I understand. I don't think - if I hadn't asked him - but I did and so it's my fault he's on the machine that he didn't want and I need to be there for that."

"If he dies," Jennifer said, crying. "It was worth it for yesterday. Yesterday was as close to perfect as I could imagine. Thank you."

Vic started crying too, and climbed over the bed to give her sister-in-law-to-be a fierce hug. 

"You don't mind if I do your laundry?" Jennifer checked.

"I'd really appreciate it," Vic admitted. 

"Lucas is such a slob," Jennifer commented, looking around the room, the only one she hadn't cleaned obsessively.

"Go for it," Vic said. "If you need to. Go for it."

She parked in her spot and ran up to intensive care, only to be stopped by an exhausted Maggie at the desk.

"They're washing him," she said, patting the chair next to her. "They'll only be a few minutes. Sit with me."

Vic walked into the station and sat down.

"This is yesterday morning's," Maggie said, pointing to an XRay. "And this is forty-five minutes ago."

The second one, the newer one, had white all through his lungs. Lungs that were supposed to be black on a chest XRay.

"It's bad," Vic said blankly.

Maggie nodded. "I'm sorry," she said, sounding on the verge of tears.

"You're doing everything," Vic took a deep breath. "Before I came, Jennifer said it was all worth it for yesterday. If nothing else, it was worth it for yesterday."

"Yesterday was a good day," Maggie agreed.

Eventually, a lifetime later, the nurses ushered her in.

"I love you," she whispered into his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek before reclaiming her seat and his hand.

She barely registered Travis, tear stains down his face, pulling her from the room at 7am while a grim-faced Sullivan sat wordlessly. They sat on the steps outside the hospital, and Vic cried into the eggy thing as Travis rubbed her back.

Vic flatly refused to leave at lunch, eyes locked to his face, and eventually Bishop and Frankel gave up. Frankel sat opposite her, holding Lucas' other hand, and Bishop returned with coffee so strong Vic was sure it would peel the paint off the walls.

Travis came armed with Maggie at 7pm. 

"Go home," Maggie said sternly. "I'll see you back here in twelve hours. You need to shower, eat at least one full meal, and sleep."

* * *

**Days Seven and Eight**

Weren't worth ever remembering.

Halfway through day eight, Vic steeled herself to take him off the ventilator if he wasn't better by the end of the next day. 

* * *

**Day Nine**

Someone had rudely parked in her spot. Cam had not given her the eggy thing today; explaining through Travis that she needed some variety, and so he'd given her Lucas' favourite meal instead which was meant kindly but made her burst into uncontrollable tears.

Jennifer hadn't left the spare room for breakfast.

The dialysis machine was off. Maggie was smiling.

"We're just about back to where we were before we lightened his sedation the first time," she said. "Tomorrow, we'll wake him up again. At lunchtime, I'll reduce his sedation a little."

A uniformed Dean and Travis arrived at lunch. 

"I'll take you," Dean said. She looked at Travis, who smiled reassuringly, taking her seat and his hand.

When she came back, Lucas was in soft restraints, his eyes were open, and he looked at her and smiled.

* * *

**Day Ten**

Vic's heart felt like it would burst. He was sitting up, clipboard in hand, looking expectantly at them. She glanced at Jennifer, and knew the other woman felt the same way.

"He's doing so much better," Maggie said, unnecessarily.

Her entire team came at lunchtime. Lucas waved to them. Sullivan didn't bother to hide his tears as he charged forward and awkwardly hugged Lucas around his tubes.

Vic introduced Jennifer to her family during a boisterous lunch, during which the cafeteria ladies glared at them darkly.

* * *

**Day Eleven**

They played Scrabble.

Lucas won twice, Vic won three times, and Jennifer wiped the floor with them.

* * *

**Day Twelve**

Vic waved her carton of the eggy thing under Lucas' nose teasingly. He reached up and tugged on her hair.

"You guys are gross, you know that right?" Jennifer rolled her eyes.

"You're just upset that we're not playing Scrabble again," Vic retorted jokingly.

Lucas nodded in emphatic agreement.

* * *

**Day Thirteen**

Butterflies were having kittens in her stomach.

Or something.

Jennifer placed a hand over hers, stopping them from twisting.

"It's okay if it doesn't happen today," Jennifer said, half to herself.

"I know," Vic said.

They held hands up the stairs, all the way to his room, stopping abruptly when they found it empty.

Vic panicked.

"Where is he?" she demanded.

"We've moved him, we've moved him," Maggie said quickly, hurrying up behind them. "He's fine. He's doing really well."

She practically pushed them along to his new room down the hallway and they both froze in the doorway to see him, bed sitting him upright.

He wasn't on the ventilator anymore.

And he was smiling broadly at them.

"My girls," he said, voice hoarse. They let go of each other's hands and ran to their usual sides of his bed, wrapping him in a hug from both sides. He wormed his hands out with a creaky, coughing laugh, wrapping his arms around them in a weak grip. "My girls," he repeated, kissing Jennifer's forehead as she buried her face in his neck.

He met Vic's gaze, hand slipping up her back to cup the back of her neck gently. Vic traced a hand down his cheek unsteadily.

He tasted of plastic and antiseptic.

Vic knew she tasted of salt.

The rest of the day was a joyous haze. Vic couldn't take her eyes off him, even though he slept most of the day, waking only for short periods.

 _HE WAS ALIVE_.

* * *

**Day Fourteen**

Today's takeaway bag contained a carton labelled,  _For Lucas, with love and joy_   and a million smiley faces. 

Vic laughed at the look on Lucas' face when he saw it, and even harder when he opened it. Travis had obviously passed along his diet requirements - Maggie wasn't letting him eat anything that wasn't soft.

So he had an eggy thing.

They chatted through the morning, Vic, Jennifer, and Lucas, holding hands. Vic's eyelids grew increasingly droopy; she'd been so excited the night before she hadn't slept. 

Finally, with his warm hand in hers, and soft music in the background, she drifted off to sleep.

_He was pale. Cold. Unmoving. Then the bells rang twenty times._

Vic woke with a gasp, "Lucas!"

He looked over from the conversation he'd been having with Sullivan, the rest of her team scattered through the room. 

"Lucas, Lucas," the sobs bubbled up from nowhere, and the next thing she knew she was sitting on the side of his bed, bawling hysterically into his neck.

"I'm here, I'm here," his voice was still hoarse, and one hand stroked her hair while the other rubbed soothing circles on his back. "Vic, what's wrong?"

"You died," she babbled. "I kissed you, and you died because of flowers and I didn't answer my phone and then Travis rang the bells and then I thought maybe you died while I was asleep -"

"Woah, woah, I'm alive, I'm alive," he said urgently, taking her face in his hands. "Vic look at me, look at me."

She did, tears blurring her vision. "Lucas you died -"

"Eggy, I'm right here, I'm right here, it's okay," he said, stroking her face. "I'm alive and right here."

"I can't live without you," she tried to duck her head down, but he wouldn't let her.

"Rubbish," he said firmly. "You don't need me, remember?"

"I was wrong, and lying when I said that because I was so mad at you," she sobbed.

"You were mad, but you were right, and you'll always be right," he said gently. "You  _don't_ need me. You're strong, and clever, and beautiful, and the bravest person I've ever met. I'm just here to water your plants and make terrible jokes and provide conversation."

She shook her head wildly. "I can't -"

"You know Tim Minchin?" the question was unexpected enough to break her hysteria for a moment. "He's an Australian comic singer. He's great. He's got this song about - well, it's kind of about statistics, but it's also about love and it's called If I Didn't Have You -" he paused for breath. "It goes, _if I didn't have you, someone else would surely do_. I'll bring it up on my phone later. But it's true. I am crazily in love with you, but if I died, you'd find someone who was handsomer, younger, tidier than me and you'd be deliriously happy and that would be right."

"I don't want someone younger, handsomer or tidier," Vic knew she sounded like a child having a tantrum, but she didn't care. "It's you -"

"When I die - shhh, the universe will go incredibly wrong if you die before me - when I die, of course you'll feel sad. I'd be disappointed if you didn't. But I'm just the first love in your life, you can have more. You _deserve_ more. All I want, all I'm going to spend the rest of _my_ life trying to make happen, is for you to be happy. If you mope around over me, I'll kick your butt in heaven."

"Since when do you believe in heaven?" Vic demanded, hiccuping.

He shrugged. "Don't know if I do. I hope there is one. Look, darling, best case scenario, there is a heaven and I'll sweep you off your feet again there and make you forget any other guy you fall in love with after I die. Worst case scenario, there's no heaven, and you waste your life being unhappy. So, when I die, yes be sad, but then get the fuck over me and move on because I love you too much to let you pull some romantic bullshit like you can't live without me because you can; you managed for nearly thirty years without me and you were happy before me and you'll be happy after me and I'll be happy that you're happy if there's an afterlife and if there's not an afterlife, I won't know because I'll be dead but I'll be happy in principle."

He took several deep, wheezing breaths. "Besides. I'm the foolish romantic in this relationship. You're my practical, no hearts and rainbows girl. So breathe. I'm not dead yet. Got a few fires to fight still. 

Vic brushed his lips with trembling fingers. "I love you," she said, before kissing him desperately, pulling away before he could get too breathless, and burying her head in his neck again to cry.

When she woke up again, she could hear Jennifer's voice speaking softly over the faint thrum of Lucas' heart beating.

He'd lost so much weight, she noticed belatedly. She could feel his ribs beneath her cheek.

She opened her eyes blearily and sat up.

"Hey sleeping beauty," Lucas said, running his hand up her arm.

"What time is it?" she croaked, feeling wrung out and exhausted.

"Bout four," he replied, glancing at the clock. "You slept for almost three hours." His blue eyes darkened in concern. "You're exhausted, Vic. I'm fine. Go home and sleep properly."

"I'm fine -"

"Vic, please," he said. "For me."

"You asshole," she said without any bite.

"I'll stay with him," Jennifer promised. Vic nodded, reluctantly, and leaned forward to catch his lips.

She pulled back. "You're not supposed to be having coffee yet," she scolded, and he looked immediately guilty.

"Love you?" he tried. She shot an accusing glance at Jennifer who shrugged, narrowing her eyes at someone behind her.

Travis looked guilty, holding his hands up. "He ordered me -"

"While he's in hospital don't you  _dare_ listen to a single order he issues," Vic snapped, turning back to Lucas in time to catch him shooting an apologetic look at Travis. "I love you. Don't die while I'm asleep."

"I love you," he replied, before flashing her a cocky grin. "I won't."

Travis reached for her hand, squeezing it briefly before letting go. They got all the way to his car before she remembered.

"Oh god," Vic groaned.

"It's fine," he hurried to assure her.

"Everyone was there when I -"

"Had the break down that's been coming for two weeks while your fiance lay at death's door in intensive care," Travis interrupted calmly. "In a way, it shut Herrera up. She was worried Ripley had manipulated you into this, but it was extremely clear to all that that you two are absurdly in love and need to marry and have beautiful babies, preferably soon. So don't worry, it's fine."

Vic crashed in his bed as soon as they got to Lucas', and slept for fourteen hours without dreaming.

* * *

 

**Day Fifteen**

Was awkwardly spent with half the HR department in the waiting room, while the other half of the HR department interrogated Lucas in his room.

After a couple of hours, Jennifer lost any shred of patience and called Maggie, who demanded a time out.

* * *

 

**Day Sixteen**

HR returned, as threatened. Vic barely saw Lucas until they left at half past four.

* * *

 

**Day Seventeen**

Frankel and Diaz flanked the HR spokeswoman.

"Effective seventeen days ago, Chief Ripley you are suspended from the SFD on half pay for a period of three months," said Robyn. "We understand that you and Firefighter Hughes will be married by the time you return to active duty, so we can only put in place these conditions to avoid discriminating against a married couple."

After she left the room, Lucas raised his eyebrow at Frankel and Diaz.

"We figured you wouldn't mind," Frankel said unapologetically.

"We got them down to three conditions, otherwise it was going to be like, eight or twelve," Diaz added.

"I don't mind," Vic said, looking at her copy of the conditions. She felt Lucas' surprised glance. "Lucas, if you don't think that the first thing I do when you get out of here is drag you down to get married, you've got another thing coming."

He grinned at her.

* * *

 

**Day Eighteen**

He was moved to a rehab ward and Vic held his hand as he tottered slowly around the ward, half-pushing, half-leaning on his drip pole for support.

* * *

 

**Day Nineteen**

Jennifer flew home after making them promise to not get married without her.

"I love you, Vic," she said, hugging her tightly. "Thank you for my brother."

"I love you," Vic replied. "I don't know what I would've done without you."

Lucas beamed at them both.

* * *

 

**Day Twenty**

Vic went back to work. Bishop snuck her in the aid car down to Seattle Pres to have dinner with Lucas.

* * *

 

**Day Twenty-Nine**

He was discharged home. They went via the courthouse to pick up a marriage licence to use in three days time.  They made very slow, careful love in his bed, and then Lucas slept for the rest of the day, his head pillowed on Vic's chest.

* * *

 

**Day Thirty**

They went, Lucas still leaning on a cane, to the diner for breakfast.

Cam burst into tears when he saw them, racing around the counter and flinging his arms around them in a sweaty hug.

Vic was in tears too.

"You were a lifesaver," she told him. "You and your team. Thank you. It got me through the morning."

Lucas pulled out two hundred dollars in cash and put it in the tip jar. [Travis had kept up the game of paying for the previous day's food by tipping].

Cam smiled through his tears. "Fine. But this one is on me. And then we'll go back to normal." He escorted them to their booth, fussed over Lucas as he slowly lowered himself on the seat, and didn't bother to take their orders.

It seemed like every member of staff came out with some individual piece of food or drink and a broad grin, and they ate a veritable buffet of food items until Vic pushed back a plate with a groan.

"Cam, my stomach's going to burst!" she warned.

They hugged every member of staff, even the cooks they'd never met, before leaving about four hours after they got there.

Lucas slipped Cam a note, inviting him to their wedding at the courthouse.

They spent the afternoon at a jeweller's.

* * *

**Day Thirty-One**

Vic worked, and when she got home, his kitchen was a mess and he was covered in flour, smiling proudly as he presented her with a lopsided cake.

"It's a backwards dinner day," he pronounced.

So they ate the lopsided but entirely delicious chocolate cake. Then they ate mac and cheese. Then they had garlic bread.

Then he had her for second dessert.

* * *

 

**Day Thirty-Two**

Lucas' suit hung off his still-gaunt frame, but he'd never looked more handsome to Vic. She wore her best dress - and they were five minutes late to their own wedding because he had undressed her before 'helping' her redress.

Travis beamed, wearing his best suit. Her team were there, the men looking sharp in their best suits, Maya and Andy looking drop dead gorgeous in bridesmaids-y dresses. Bailey and Maggie were beaming, still in their white coats as they could only duck out for the ceremony briefly. Sullivan, Frankel, Diaz and Reynolds all wore their dress blues. Kim wore her pastel blouse and pencil skirt. Cam wore a hideous pink suit that was far too tight.

Jennifer was literally bouncing on her heels and beaming.

They got married in a fifteen minute ceremony, before heading to the park.

Cam and a few of his staff met them there with bags and bags of takeaway food. Maya and Andy produced bottles of champagne from seemingly nowhere, and Dean happily set up a margherita stand; no-one in the least bit bothered by the fact that it was 11.15am.

Ryan turned up in uniform, loudly reporting back that the drinks being consumed by the large gathering of people were entirely alcohol free, giving them a wink.

Lucas, exhausted from the day, fell asleep on the picnic blanket, head in her lap, as they watched her team play against the brass in a disturbingly competitive game of touch football. Vic grimaced as Maya, dress pulled up practically to her waist, went down hard after a furious tackle from Frankel.

* * *

**Day Thirty-Three**

Lucas snored the entire way in the plane, while Vic gripped the armrests anxiously.

He'd insisted on booking it, so she only found out when she got there that he'd booked the most absurdly lavish honeymoon suite with a hot tub, king bed, and beachfront access.

"We are having sex everywhere," she decided.

"Oh yeah?" Lucas murmured in her ear, hands trailing along her stomach. Vic grinned, leaning back and tilting her head.

"Definitely, yeah," she said, before his lips crashed onto hers.

* * *

**Day Thirty-Four**

Was spent indoors.

* * *

**Day Thirty-Five**

She rubbed sunscreen into his back, delighting in seeing how he'd started regaining weight. [He was eating everything in sight]. While his shoulderblades still stuck out, his back was no longer just skin and bone.

"Done," Vic pronounced, and he twisted between her legs, leaning into kiss her and pushing her back.

"Lucas," she said between kisses as his hands roamed her body. "We're in public."

"So?" he growled, nibbling on her ear.

"I'm not having sex with you in the sand, it'll go the wrong way up my suit," she said firmly.

He chuckled somewhere near her collar bone, sighing and lifting himself back up. 

"Can I at least make out with you?" he said, blue gaze flickering to her lips. She grinned, and in answer, captured his lips with hers.

Later, she sipped on a cocktail in the pool. He finished his lap, shaking his head and making her squeal as water flew out from his now-shaggy hair.

"You're awful, Mr Hughes," Vic said, taking his hand and tracing his ring.

Lucas grinned. "You love me anyway, Mrs Ripley," he retorted before leaning in for a kiss. 

* * *

 

**Day Fifty-Five**

"You're eight weeks pregnant, Mrs Ripley," said the obstetrician briskly.

"I'm getting sick of crying," Vic sobbed into his shirt when they got back home.

"So am I," sobbed Lucas.

* * *

 

**Day Two Hundred and Seventy**

The baby was early.

The baby was early, and perfect, with ten little fingers, ten little toes, the cutest button nose, a head full of black, curly hair, and bright blue eyes.

"Your eyes are now the second most beautiful I've ever seen," Vic informed Lucas.

Lucas smiled, tears blurring his eyes, and kissed her again.

* * *

 

**Day Ten Thousand Nine Hundred and Sixty-Five**

Their children were sobbing, but Vic simply smiled at Lucas as he drew in another rattly breath.

He looked at their children. "I love each and every one of you and I'm so proud." His gaze swung around to hers, and a soft smile crossed his lips. "Be happy, Eggy."

"I love you," Vic replied. She leaned forward and kissed his lips gently. He smiled as she drew back, took another breath.

And exhaled slowly.

* * *

 

"You okay?" Travis, silver-haired now with a different wedding ring on his finger, asked as they sat on the steps of her home with Lucas. The kids were all asleep. They might be in their twenties, but their Daddy had meant the world to them.

Vic smiled calmly at him. "I did all my crying just over thirty years ago," she replied. "You held me through most of it. I got thirty bonus years with the love of my life, and I spent every second being as fiercely happy and in love with him as I could."

Jennifer squeezed her hand, and Vic glanced at her sister. She'd flown down, of course, and helped provide meal relief for the kids. "Thank you for the extra thirty years," Jen said.

Vic sighed. Lucas' lungs had been irrevocably scarred by the hydrofluric acid, and he'd spent a lot of time in hospital over the last few years, and increasingly the last few months.

"I was selfish then," Vic said. "I couldn't be selfish again, and ask for more. He gave me everything, and he deserves to not fight to breathe."

Travis gave her a watery smile and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that wasn't meant to be that long but god was it therapeutic. <3 to you all.  
> I can now work on Exposure properly, minus the originally planned sequence of Ripley's heart attack.
> 
> The title references Puck's final soliloquy in A Midsummer's Night Dream.
> 
> Tim Minchin is a comic and musical genius. The song If I Didn't Have You is wonderful. I recommend the Policeman's Ball version on youtube.


End file.
